Look, I just want to start this off by saying this movie is not about me, okay? Despite what you may have heard, I am not the last American virgin. Cool, now that we got that out of the way, I want to dedicate this to all you lovebirds out there, experienced in the art of eros and those who are waiting for the tapestry of love to unfold out before them. To celebrate Valentine’s day, I’m putting up The Last American Virgin (1982) by Boaz Davidson, as well as a few other flicks about love.
The Quick Gist
The Last American Virgin is a silly, kind of bizarre coming-of-age teen sex comedy which follows the exploits of Pizza Boy Gary, money man David, and their hunky friend Rick, three high school students out to lose their virginity any way they can.
The Last American Virgin
Gary, a sexless delivery boy, cruises the town in his pink pizza car, scoping the scene with his two pals, hoping to score big lest they be virgins forever. Their antics lead them to all kinds of crazy scenarios.
There’s the post pizza delivery rendezvous with Carmella, a Fellini-esque nymphomaniac (think Volpina in Amarcord) who delivers top-notch sexy one-liners like “come to me my big burrito” before a bout of lovemaking with portly David (an AJ from The Sopranos lookalike; a fiery encounter with the red hot prostitute who just happens to have a bad case of the crabs; and of course a few house party moments with their fellow classmates, one being Kimmy Robertson, the quirky receptionist Lucy in Twin Peaks. For a couple of virgins, they sure do get a lot of action.
All the while, Gary’s got his eyes set on the cutest girl in school, the lovely Karen. But of course, she sees poor ol’ Gary as her hapless friend. In fact, she’s got the hots for his best bud: slick Rick. There’s no doubt about it; Rick’s a hunk.
Most of The Last American Virgin is what you’d expect: a rather raunchy teen sex comedy about three dudes looking to get laid. We’ve got shower scenes, penis measuring contests, boners, peeping toms, sex on the football field, making out at Lookout Point… you get the picture. And I swear, the whole budget for this movie must have gone to the soundtrack, ‘cause it’s stacked wall to wall with big 80’s hits. It’s needle drop galore.
But after all that run-of-the mill stuff, the third act takes a pretty surprising turn, considering the rest of the raunch we’ve been watching. I won’t spoil it here, but it kind of elevates the movie beyond the other dime a dozen 80s teen sex comedies.
Sidenote: While watching the flick, I couldn’t help but read into some homoeroticism between Gary and Rick. I don’t know if it was Gary’s pink car or Rick’s tight pink tank top, but there was something there. And to my surprise, I found out after that both of them leads came out as gay. I knew Rick’s pink tank top meant something more!
Overall, I’m not sure I would consider The Last American Virgin a great movie. There are some bizzare moments and choices — one that involves a bag of oranges and a Christmas tree, and another that involves an interestingly placed U2 song — but it’s become a cult classic for a reason. So if you’re looking for a raunchy date night flick that has a little bit of heart, maybe this is the one for you!
A Few More Movies About Love
Also going on the Plex server is…
The Heart Machine (2014) - Zachary Wigon
This 2014 flick takes place around Valentine’s day and stars John Gallagher Jr., your average NYC twenty-something who begins to suspect that his long distance girlfriend (played by the always lovely indie-darling powerhouse Kate Lyn Sheil) is actually living in the same city as him. Increasingly paranoid, he sets out to find out if his suspicions are in fact true. The Heart Machine is the first feature by Zachary Wigon (who recently released Sanctuary — another fun tale of twisted perverse love).
Love is a Racket (1932) - William A. Wellman
Ain’t that the truth! Love is a Racket is a pre-code film starring Douglas Fairbanks as a gossip columnist obsessed with the too beautiful-to-be-true Broadway ingenue who’s got mixed up in the mob. So over the moon with Mary Wodehouse, Fairbanks’ Jimmy Russell risks it all for love, in hopes of saving her from sleeping with the fishes. It’s got classic fast talking reporters, wise cracking characters, and overall, it’s bit more cynical and seedy considering it’s pre-code. And it’s got a quick runtime to boot!
Good Morning... and Goodbye! (1967) - Russ Meyer
Another quick and easy flick by the raunchy Russ Meyer features eleven intertwining tales filled with men who can’t satisfy women, fights, infidelity, sex, nudity — you name it! Love and relationships sure are tough, unless you have the enchanting Meyer regular Haji on your side. Apparently, this was the first Russ Meyer flick to be reviewed by The New York Times, though I’m not sure that’s saying much…
With that, have a Happy Valentine’s Day!
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